Here I am 11 days from what should have been my due date. I’m putting baskets together for some unexpecting moms who give birth on what should have been my due date. My heart hurts. My eyes hurt. My body hurts. I am unexplainably depressed and weary. I am pushing through a 40 hour work week with my twenty-second birthday lingering at the end.
I don’t know about you, but I am DEFINITELY not feeling 22. I feel like I’m 30.
I think people forget everything I have experienced in a span of 7 months. Let me remind you.
April 15: I found out I was pregnant.
May 21: I graduated college.
May 21: I got engaged.
Juneish: I started the plan for our future home.
June 10: I announced my pregnancy.
June 30: I found out my baby was dying.
July 7: I lost my baby boy.
August 22: I got a “big girl” job.
September 16: I married my biggest supporter.
So, no, I don’t feel 22. With all that I have experienced I should be 30, right? Okay, at least 25.
I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. Between saving for a mortgage, paying bills, working 40 hours, cleaning my house, taking care of my dogs and my foster dogs and mourning the death of my first child, I have no time to do much else.
Graduating early is for the birds. Growing up is for the birds. Losing children is for the freaking birds.
I’m over it.
People keep asking me how I am. I smile and say “I’m good”. I am not good. My friends are having babies next week. I am NOT good.
I’m ready to crawl into a cave and act like December hasn’t always been my favorite month.
With that being said, I am pushing through. Just send some prayers my way and lots of wine. I’m just kidding (unless you actually want to send me wine).
If you’re in the giving mood and want to help add to my baskets, you can send any baby/mom needs to: 6205 43rd Lubbock, TX 79407
❤️❤️❤️
makingamomma 
It was so nice to meet you and hear your and Peanut’s story at Crave the other night. Praying for you as you weather thus December. I saw the news story about your baskets in honor of your son. Such a wonderful way to honor him.
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Thank you so so much. It was so nice to meet you as well. 💕
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I just read you’re story on Facebook. As a mother of 3, I could only imagine your loss. Your story is an inspiration to other mothers who have shared your experience. The way you have chosen to honor your son brought tears to my eyes. God bless and may your little angel 👼watch over you always!
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You are the absolute sweetest. Thank you so much for your kind words. 💕
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So sorry for your loss. I am a labor and delivery nurse for 26 yrs and help people get through this gut wrenching time. Its ok to say Im not ok. Today is a sad bad tough horrible day and its a Wed. Take the hugs. Grieve hard. Its letting go of a dream spent with a life you had created. I pray for you and your family.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I continue to remind myself that it is okay to not be okay. Thank you for being an angel to those that need the most support. 💕
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When I lost my beautiful baby girl the hospital gave me this pome
Little Angels
When God calls little children to dwell with Him above we mortals question the wisdom of His love. For no heartache compares with the death of a small child who does so much to make our world Seem wonderful and mild. God knows how much we need them so he takes but few to make the land of heaven more beautiful to view. Believing this is difficult Still, somehow we must try. The saddest work mankind know will always be “Good bye.” So when a little child departs, we who are left behind must realize, God loves children “Angels Are Hard to Find” you did a beautiful thing giving the way you did I spoil my niece she was born 11 days after my daughter was in heaven we a have different ways to help ourselves with and through the pain and loss and all the other emotions we deal with after the loss of a child.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing 💕
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