Courtland,

Thank you. Thank you for always helping me to see the positive in the negative. Thank for encouraging me in the moments I need it most. Thank you for loving me when I have a hard time even loving myself. Thank you for picking me up off of the ground and carrying me through the hardest of times. Thank you for continuing to see me as the beautiful bride you married and not the lump of tears and heartache I am. 

You are such a strong person. You are my light at the end of this very dark tunnel. You allow me to be raw in my emotions. You hold me together when everything else is falling apart. 

We are 25 days away from the moment we should have become Mom and Dad. Three weeks from what should have been the first moment you held your son. 

Twenty-one weeks ago we found out something was seriously wrong with our baby. I sat in the waiting room crying and aching and breaking apart, but you were there with a shoulder and an ear to comfort and listen. You talked me through the diagnosis while I barely even understood what the doctors were telling me. 

You held me that day. You held me and your son. You are my rock, and you are the perfect husband and father. 

I know that there are moments or hours or days where I am depressed. I know that you do not always understand why I am so weak when you are so strong. I know it hurts you to see me broken. I know you want this pain to go away. I know you hate every time my eyes fill with tears. I know you miss our little boy as much as I do. 

What you may not know is how much I adore you for loving me in every moment. People do not always understand the amount of grief a miscarriage brings to a couple. They do not always understand that life just stops sometimes. 

But, here we are. Two months into marriage. 3 weeks from our due date. Decades away from meeting our little boy in heaven. Yet, we are pushing through. 

I owe every good day to you. You continue to push me to see the good when all I want to see is the bad. You remind me of how lucky we are to have food, a home and someone to love. 

So, thank you. Thank you for continuing to be my safe place. Thank you for being my husband. 

Our little boy and I love you so so much. ❤️